This complete record gathers together the cumulative experience of all of 729 lives of the gestalt entity known as Entity.
From the moment the experiment began back in 1999 we have attempted to find a way of dissseminating our credo to the masses, first by carrier trout, then by carrier mosquito (insect not de Haviland).
Now we are confident we have found the way of including everyone in this roller-coaster hellz-a-poppin fun filled ride that is our life.
Throughout our adventures in a parallel universe that we shall call Tharg, you may laugh along at our adventures.
In an attempt to prove that I could do a better job of managing Forest than Stuart Pearce, I decided to use the most advanced football manager simulator I could get my hands on.
So, let's kick off then.
Who do I have in my squad? (note the use of a technical term - I'm an expert)
Hmmm, not sure who these players are, but lets guess anyway:
1. P. Parkes - I think he was Spiderman.
2. D Watson - Sherlock Holmes' flatmate.
3. P Neal - No clue.
4. A Martin - Aston Martin? Must be who the car is named after.
5. K Sansom - Think he was married to Delilah.
7. R Osman - That tall bloke off Pointless.
11. G Rix - Think he used to appear in plays with no trousers on.
15. B Talbot - Nope, no idea.
16 S McCall - Did a song called 'Convoy' in the 1970s.
17 C Regis - Seaside resort in Dorset.
19 T Morley - Fat bloke, wrote for the Spectator.
23 K Keegan - A prick.
Right. So that's that sorted.
Let's play our first game!
Blackpool. But how good are they?
Oh, that good. Right - well lets do some squad changes and see what difference it makes.
The defence is nice and strong and I only have one unselected player, Talbot in Midfield, so I'll select him and drop Sansom. He's not performed well since that haircut anyway.
So this is my starting 11:
And this is how we stack up against Blackpool's mighty warriors!
OK - lets type 99 and watch the action unfold in glorious 8bit.
And amazing run down the wing by an unidentifyable white stick figure resulting in Nott'm Forest being 1 -0 up!
But wait, there's more.
2 - 0! COME ON YOU REDS! Amazing display of talent by one of my players. That square football went into the strangely malformed goal mouth and put us another goal ahead.
Oh the excitement.
No, genuinely, this is quite exciting.
Honest.
The whistle has blown (buzzed).
I'm just happy for the fans really.
So now we get to see what the other teams got up to.
Hereford did well, as did Colchester - but our +2 goal difference should do us proud today.
Third! Look at that! Get in.
Celebrations are in order tonight. Professor! Uncork the Champagne! Send Zenith and Quasar to bed! I am a WINNER!
So, how much money do I have?
Woohoo! I'm feckin' rich!
So who can I buy?
Oh God, it's that bloody Robson Jerome bloke. Squeaky voice and a face like a Doner Kebab.
I'll give you £2,500 for him (I have no leeway in case of injury at the moment, I need to build up the squad).
I've seen some strange things in my time you know.
Well, one might not, but I have.
So yesterday I went on a little jaunt to Hardwick Hall with the children and Mrs Occulomency.
Hardwick is a magnificent Elizabethan country house in Derbyshire. Built between 1590 and 1597 for Bess of Hardwick (a notable Tudor serial killer who 'survived' four husbands, also described in contemporary literature as 'a right cow').
Anyway, Hardwick was designed by the renowned puppeteer, chocolateer and architecteer Robert Smythson a rather cheery architect who designed Bruce Wayne's vast Gothic mansion from the last Batman film. Anyhow, Robert designed Hardwick with one of the earliest and largest long galleries in the country.
What is a long gallery I hear you ask?
Why, in architecture, a long gallery is a long, narrow room, often with a high ceiling.
They served several purposes, for example they were used for entertaining guests, although I'm not sure how well that would have gone down. When was the last time anyone round at your house was really entertained by being shut in a corridor?
This brings me on to another problem. A long gallery is essentially a long corridor, but it was not intended as a means of passing from one room to another. Apparently, in the 16th century, thebleedingobvious concept of the corridor had not been invented. Proving once again that the olden days were rubbish. They didn't have computers,iPhones, cars, hamburgers,Ocadoor adequate sanitary facilities.
Living in the past must have been like living in Devon today.
Why am I telling you this?
Well. I took a photograph of the long gallery at Hardwick. I looked through the viewfinder, and I saw this:
But when I loaded the photograph up into Aperture, I saw this:
What manner of apparition is this?
What horror lurks underneath the red hat?
Could this be Robert Smythson, returning from beyond that eternal veil to exact revenge on the dead-eyed hoards that now tramp through his masterpiece?
I think that's definitely it. There's no way it could be anything else.
I should have done history instead of Computer Studies at O-Level. I could have been the next Tony Robinson.
Not sure why, but I decided it would be a good idea, for the second weekend in a row, to clean and polish my beloved small red car.
I'm not totally sure it was worth it, but I thought I'd share the results in order to make myself seem slightly less mad.
Slightly.
Here we go (2,3,4...)
OK, so here it is, my lovely Caterham 7 Supersport 40th anniversary limited edition (number 64 out of 67) in it's unwashed state.
So I washed it using Diamond Ice (a Turtlewax car shampoo not a cheap cider based beverage from the 1980s).
Here is the result:
It's a tad shinier, isn't it? Just a tad... It was really hot on Sunday morning in Nottingham, this better have been worth it.
OK, so I thought I'd polish it.
Aside:
My son (Zenith), who is shoulder surfing as I write this, laughed a great deal when I typed the last sentence as he thinks 'polish it' sounds like 'Polly shit' (parrot excrement) or poly-shit (a very poor brand of wall filler).
My son is very nearly 8.
Anyway, I got out the Autoglym Super Resin Polish and 20 sweaty minutes later you get:
Much better, I think you'll agree, but it could get a bit shinier. Just a fraction.
Let me tell you about Autoglym HD Wax, it comes with pre-moistened applicators. When I read this on the label I thought I'd purchased wax more suited to the removal of unwanted hair, but no, aparrently not. In fact I had bought the perfect wax to remove £34 and any remaining shred of respeect from my family, neighbours and dogs (the cat's have held me in contempt for some time).
Anyway, after a further 30 miniutes of sweating like (insert name of 1970s TV star of your choice), the results were stunning:
Well, I can tell the difference, even if no-one else can.
It only took just a shade under six and a half years, but Lettie has decided to share her profound and innermost thoughts with you all.
But I'll let her explain.
Welcome to my blog! This new website Is just for you and your friends. We give You nice vidios and storys and photos. If you try to do this blog, Please put in a password and a user name. What ever you do on this webpage, test our Stuff and wach me play on minecraft. Now Chek me while you eat your tea. LOVE LETTIE
May I present, in glorious black and white, Lettie's Hell Master Webpage.
Anyway, I wondered if anyone had ever got John to sign a copy of that magazine he was reading in his solo bit.
This one:
Then a plan hatched in my brain. John Taylor tweeted that he was writing his autobiography, so he must be going to do a book tour, right? Ah...
Well, I was straight off to the Internet to find out about the comic.
"Fightin' Army was a bimonthly war comic published by Charlton Comics from 1956–1984 (though it was primarily a reprint title from 1978 to the end of its run). Telling fictional stories of the United States Army, it was a sister title of the other Charlton war comics Fightin' Air Force, Fightin' Marines, and Fightin' Navy."
Brilliant, right which one was it though? When did they film the 'Rio' video?
Hmm.. Off to the Duran Duran timeline.
May 1982
Excellent. Lets try looking for the April '82 edition on E-baythen, shall we?
Bingo.
Found it, bought it, got it.
Now all we have to do is wait.
Now here is where @jamievjb comes into the picture.
He, being the lovliest man in the world, buys me a ticket to see John do a reading in Manchester.
Here we are, waiting.
We make a cute couple, huh?
John Taylor's book, In the Pleasure Groove, is well worth a read. You should definielty get it if you like Duran Duran or '80s music in particular.
Well, it was made clear that John would not sign any memorabilia, which is fair enough, Waterstones needed to get 500 odd books signed, and if everyone got him to sign a tee-shirt too, it would take all bloody night. So that part of my plan didn't come off.
But what did happen was probably even better.
I showed him the comic and asked which page he was reading. He laughed, and asked where I'd got it from. He then said that he'd just had it pushed into his hands and he coudn't remember what was inside.
I put the comic down next to him whilst he signed my book, he looked at it, grinned and said 'I should look like this'.
They say never meet your heroes. Rubbish, just make sure you choose ones like John Taylor.
Remember back in January I noticed what a lousy year 1980 was in terms of UK number one hit singles. I was wondering today, whilst watching the Olympics, in what year music became good. So I went on to the Internets and looked up 1981.
What do we see? Well, it was a year which was a little like the curate's egg (good in parts).
Number one soley because he got shot by Mark Chapman the previous month, conclusively disproving the saying 'life begins at forty'.
John Lennon "Woman" 7 February 1981
At least Imagine was a good song, this one is a bit more problematic as it was written about Yoko. Still, Lennon was an important and talented musician whose main failing was allowing Ringo to join the band.
Dreadful, but best remembered as the song which kept Ultravox's Vienna off the number one slot in the UK. It could have been worse, Andrew Sachs nicked Joe Dolce's idea prior to release and did a version as Manuel (from Fawlty Towers). A small lawsuit ensued and Joe (rightly) won.
Thank you lucky stars for small mercies.
Roxy Music "Jealous Guy" 14 March 1981
'A Tribute' Pah. A cash in more like. No Eno, no good.
Shakin' Stevens "This Ole House" 28 March 1981
This become number one the day I became a teenager. You can imagine my horror.
Bucks Fizz "Making Your Mind Up" 18 April 1981
Hey, you may mock, but they pulled off girl's skirts and won bloody Eurovision. A bit of a classic really and not nearly as bad as their later singles. Best sung in the style of Bob Dylan (try it).
Adam and the Ants "Stand and Deliver" 9 May 1981
Now you are talking. A great video, great song and Adam as the dandy highwayman. Great song, well executed.
I never really 'got' Michael Jackson. I have no opinion on this vaguely mawkish offering. I have plenty of opinions of Michael Jackson though.
The Specials "Ghost Town" 11 July 1981
Bloody awesome. The summer of 1981 was marked by race riots, protest over unemployment and violence in Northern Ireland. The UK was in the clutches of a Conservative Government that had no empathy with many of it's people.This song summed it all up. A brilliant peice of social commentary disguised as a pop song.
Plus it appeared in Father Ted.
Shakin' Stevens "Green Door" 1 August 1981
Oh dear. Who the hell bought this? I want to find them all and fine them retrospectively. The original was bad but this is just inexcusable.
Aneka "Japanese Boy" 29 August 1981
Mary Sandeman is a Scottish traditional folk singer who somehow got convinced to perform this popsong. Notably similar to the bad Paul McCartney song (like there's another sort) - Frozen Jap.
Soft Cell "Tainted Love" 5 September 1981
This song was played at every nightclub, disco and party from 1981 until the mid 1990s by my reckoning, and rightly so. A great cover of a great song, Marc Almond delivers a seedy, almost proto-goth ambiance to this electropop anthem.
Awesome.
Adam and the Ants "Prince Charming" 19 September 1981
Good Lord! Things are looking up. Great song, great video with Diana Dors as a fairy god-mother and Lulu of all people as a damsel in distress.
My only observation would be that it turns out that ridicule is something to be scared of, especially if you have a very public breakdown and get arrested for it.
Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin "It's My Party" 17 October 1981
More electro-pop. This time a simple cover of an 1963 Lesley Gore song. I really like it.
Past their peak but still deleivering stonking songs. Again, memorable for being good.
Queen and David Bowie "Under Pressure" 21 November 1981
What do you get if you combine two of the world's greatest front men? This.. A great bass line combined with a less memorable song. Vanilla Ice and Jedward did it better.
Julio Iglesias "Begin The Beguine (Volver A Empezar)" 5 December 1981
How did this get in here? Not good, not good at all.
The Human League "Don't You Want Me" 12 December 1981
Sheer electronic bliss.
So there we have it. I'd have to say that compared to the previous year, 1981 was a positive triumph.
Duran Duran’s twelfth single, released back in the early autumn of 1984, was obne of their biggest world-wide hits. Now, here’s a bit of information for you. Russell Mulcahy, director of many of the better videos, wanted to do a full length feature film based on the William Burroughs novel, The Wild Boys, a book of the dead. Which sounds fair enough until you actually read the book and realize two things.
It’s not that dissimilar to the contemporaneous Mad Max films.
It’s unfilmable.
It’s not that good.
I know I’ve just listed three things there, but I think the third one is worth making. It really isn’t very good, it’s OK. If you like that sort of thing, which I do, but just not enough to really like this sort of thing, if that makes sense.
Moving on. Russell wanted to make a feature film, he suggested that Duran Duran might like to do a soundtrack, much like he did with Queen in his 1985 cult feature Highlander.
n.b. There is only one Highlander film, in much the same way there is only one Matrix film and 2.3 Star Wars films. That is all there is and you’re not going to convince me otherwise.
So, the band started writing and came up with a pretty good song, by all accounts. Mulcahy planned the video, which was meant to be a sort of teaser for the feature film he intended to make.
It was filmed at Pinewood on the 007 sound stage at a cost of over $1,000,000. A staggering amount of money compared to what they spent on the Sri-Lanka/Antigua videos. Was it worth it? Well, the feature never got made and it must be doubtful that they made their money back on the video, but yes, yes it was worth it.
Today we are looking at the single version of the video, not the one that appears in Arena, an Absurd Notion. I will do Arena, but I really need to psych myself up for actually watching it.
Anyway, we begin.
The scene is a dusty, bluish grey-scale space with 50 or so desks, arranged in an off-set grid pattern. Six people are sitting in apparently random positions as the thumping drum beat starts. This gets them all riled up and they start chucking things about in the first 4 seconds of the video.
It is probably a circus school with a poor disciplinary record, judging by the willful and wanton destruction of property and the fire-breathing. Yes, fire-breathing. What of it? You are telling me you never breathed fire in a dull history lesson? No?
Oh.
By the way, I used to upset my headmaster (Mr Christopher W Redwood, G.T.C.L.. L.R.A.M.) by reading the communist party manifesto in English lessons, he objected to my politics and so to mollify him I took to reading Mein Kampf. He never really understood my sense of humour.
Well, here comes someone in a big cape which is being blown artistically to the left of the screen by a fortuitous gale. As he walks closer, we get to see tantalizing glimpses of scaffolding. If scaffolding can ever really be described as tantalizing. I think, perhaps, it cannot.
Mind you, he can breath fire too, monochrome fire, ‘tis true, but fire none the less. We are in for a treat, ladies and gentlemen, a treat. We are only a headband away from Duran Duran perfection; I can feel it in my waters. All we've got to do is work out what is going on. Easy, we are experts at this game now, aren't we?
OK, there’s a weird robotic head thing. It is breathing fire at a television screen that apparently has a cameo appearance by Chef/Actress/Musician/UKIP politician (in no particular order) Rusty Lee. Is it really her? It really does look like her, but my on-line searches have, alas, come up with nowt.
As an aside, a million dollar budget(best Doctor Evil impersonations please) and that crappy nodding head is the best they could do? REALLY? I reckon at least $999,000 must have been spent on ‘special powdered supplies’ for the cast and crew. The must have been snorting something to think that the nodding rubber head was fit for purpose.
While we’re at it, what’s with the fire-breathing? What the hell has that got to do with anything? I’m only 24 seconds in and already I’m baffled.
Moving on.
Someone is approaching, flexing his be-gloved hand, although the glove is missing some fingers and would not pass BS EN 374 (Standard for Safety Gloves) so I hope he’s not going to do any work with chemicals.
Rubber head is nodding away to his TV screen. Ah... I've got it! This entire video is a homage to the Channel Four programme Count Down. You can see the clock ticking away whilst rubber head does a more than passable impersonation of the late and great Richard Whiteley.
Rusty Lee is obviously meant to be Carol and the painted man with Animal stenciled across his heart is the cute one from dictionary corner. Simon and John are seen in their Reflex era garments miming away to the song in front of a curtain onscreen. They are the contestants. Now I get it. But they haven’t shown us what the letters are yet?
Well, there’s all sorts of shenanigans going on in the countdown studio today. Scaffolding, painted men and ladies, fire-breathers and that man with a cloak. No wonder Rubber Richard Whiteley is looking so confused. I’m sure it will all become clear when we can see what the letters were.
We are getting a few shots of the contestants, John, Andy and Simon but there’s no real way of telling what they had scored as yet. We have started a very long tracking shot towards, wait for it, scaffolding!
If this is the dystopian future of mankind, it would appear that the business to get into is that of scaffolding, as it appears to be the primary method of constructing everything in this sore, afraid, new world. Well, scaffolding, beautifully torn curtains and metal pyramids.
Holy crap on a cracker!
It’s like the Wizard of fracking Oz, only with more makeup, fewer muchkins and more semi-naked dancers.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, colour has arrived, along with painted acrobats and flame throwers. Does this mean we are going to get a shed-load of Dance-Fighting? I do hope so!
So, it’s time to see what words the contestants have come up with. Rubber Richard Whiteley obviously is a bit cross in this extreme edition of the sleepy afternoon game show for the venerable. He’s deployed his minions and tied Simon to a windmill.
It’s not a very good windmill though. In fact it fails in all most all aspects of windmillery. Here are some problems.
It’s indoors. There is less likely to be wind indoors.
It dips the tip of each blade (or sail) into the water during its rotation. This increases resistance and lowers its efficiency.
It is not connected to any visible milling apparatus.
It’s got a Le Bon strapped to it.
Even Windy Miller, the perennially pissed miller of Camberwick Green would have balked at this, although Rod Hull and Emu may have stolen some of these ideas for their Pink Windmill show. Simon is being tortured for not really coming up with any good words, his head is being dipped in the water frequently and he is singing in defiance of Rubber Richard Whiteley’s attempts to defeat his indomitable spirit. But it’s indomitable, so he won’t be able to.
Aside: Rumour has it that Simon nearly drowned filming this. Nonsense, you can see he’d only have to lift his head slightly to avoid getting wet at all.
Although can you imagine how many takes they insisted on doing? I bet it was more than a few. "Sorry Simon, love, we need to get that again, the camera didn't quite get the bit where you head was completely submerged in the brackish water..."
Simon has both his arms free, which begs the question: Why doesn’t he untie himself instead of waving his arms about singing about how bloody great it is to be wild? Answer – erm…
I do like the bit where the camera’s rotation is synchronized with the windmill’s though. I really, really like that shot.
It’s a bit brilliant.
Whiteley’s strange painted, horned minions are approaching. Nick, who was obviously in Extreme Dictionary Corner is imprisoned in a cage surrounded by his books and computer type stuff. Nick is in bejeweled Leather. Why doesn’t this surprise us? He’s trying to work out whether Simon’s word is valid. I don’t know, but I bet Simon’s word was ‘PIES’. A minion passes him a small pie and backs away. Nick looks impressed or constipated.
There’s a lot of Whiteley’s minions giving Simon a complicated hand-jive representation of the internationally recognized symbol for ‘Up-Yours’. One is doing a passable impression of Mick Jagger doing the funky chicken (I believe that’s effectively the limit of Jagger’s talents anyway).
Let’s see how John got on. He is strapped to an automobile and it seems he came up with two words, ‘CARS’ and ‘GIRLS’. Both are acceptable but not high scoring. Minions bounce over Nick’s head as he struggles to keep score.
A Hang gliding minion who looks a lot like Martin Gore from Depeche Mode whizzes about the place as the dance fighting truly kicks off. Dance-fighting is one of my favourite things. It’s brilliantly crap and a completely ineffectual way to settle disputes of any nature unless you are deciding a 'who does the best jazz-hands' contest between Bruce Forsyth and John Barrowman.
This is also the best dance fighting on any music video ever. Choreographed by Arlene 'sacked for not being a simpering camp twat' Phillips, it has every dance fight cliché in the book and then some.
The minions are becoming increasingly agitated as it turns out ‘PIES’ was not a winning score for the Le Bonster. Off the Windmill and into the jaws of the sea-monster for you then Simon.
What does the sea monster signify? It signifies fame, man... Yeah, like fame is like totally the monster, right... Heavy...
Andy Taylor is strapped to a busty figurehead. Frustrated at not even being allowed to run about on the scaffolding, he is reduced to swatting at passing minions with a guitar.
Roger is in a sort of strange micro hot air balloon thing. Let’s just leave that there shall we?
Simon escapes from the sea monster thing and fends off the minions with a clenched fist.
The fight dancing has stopped, it has been replaced by formation dancing. Exciting.
Simon reaches out the hand of friendship to one of Whiteley’s minions and the boys are treated to a good, old fashioned tickertape parade to celebrate John’s victory over Simon in the futuristic extreme Count Down competition. John wins the day and the Count Down teapot with ‘GIRLS’, edging out Simon’s ‘PIES’.
Given that we can assert that the series of letters provided at the start of the game must have been PESGCRLIA, they could have done better with REPLICA GLACIERS or CALIPERS.
The dancing continues as the boys depart the scene, in a vintage car, pouting.
I’m back! Sorry, life got in the way, but happily I have just enough time left over in my incredibly hectic, hellz-a-poppin’ schedule to bring you this, my latest dissection of Duran Duran’s video output from the 1980s.
What do we need to know about The Reflex before we start? It was their second single to top the UK singles chart, and was their last UK #1. It was also Duran Duran's first single to hit number one on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 (for two weeks) on 23 June 1984 (see 1984 in music), and it was a huge hit internationally.
By the way, the remixes for both the 7" and 12" singles were done by the legend that is Nile Rodgers, of Chic fame, so he is responsible for the frankly astonishing 12” Dance Mix which features in the Arena (An Absurd Notion) concert video I will cover this in the weeks to come.
The video was shot during the Sing Blue Silver tour at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, Ontario, so them’s Canuck’s dancin’ in them isles. Russell Mulcahy is back in the helm for this one. I've kind of missed him, I know we've had lizard people and light-sabre waving horsemen, but nothing says Duran Duran like Russell Mulcahy and his crazy antics. Well, I say that, you actually need headbands, pretty ladies and Simon over acting and doing that crazy intense stary thing he used to do.
Having said that, this is a concert video, so there probably isn’t that much to say really. Like most videos of the oeuvre (do you like that word? I like that word, I’m going to use it a lot next week) it concentrates on giving the fans a good view of their favourite band members, so lots of honey shots of Simon & John and lots of happy bouncing fans.
So we start with some electronic noise, backing singers doing the ‘Ta-na-na-na’ bit and some interestingly lit completely hairless models superimposed on the big video screen suspended like the sword of Damocles over the stage. We also get some shots of Simon illuminated by a slit-lamp, like in those early videos like Planet Earth and Careless Memories (Just like Angelica Houston in Addams Family Values). Good pouting from the Le Bonster and he’s doing that intense crazy eye thing again. I wonder why-eye-eye-eye (I'll stop that right now) they told him to stop doing that? It looks great, Simon, really.
So, to sum up the intro:
Static
Chains
Swift blow to the solar plexus
Simon's eyes.
Into the concert (nice jump guys).
And the crowd go wild.
Simon is wearing one black glove, I assume been shot by Boba Fett whilst trying to rescue his twin sister from Jabba’s sail barge.
One other thing, Simon. How many belts do you need to keep those trousers up? It looks like you are wearing about seven.
We get our first look at Nick, his Fairlight CMI II and his Jupiter 8. Nice. We also see Roger. We don’t get to see much of Roger, so cherish this moment of drumming goodness.
Simon’s pointing and looking cross. He’ll cross that bridge when he finds it, AND NOT BEFORE!
Now, Andy’s hair. That is the most extreme mullet this side of Billy-Ray Cyrus. It is a crime against mullets, really. I know he takes himself fairly seriously these days, but he should be shown this mullet regularly in order to remind him why he had trouble being taken seriously after he left the band.
Simon seems to be mocking the Geordie guitarist with his ‘Why-eye-eye-eye-eye don’t you use it?’ singing. Cruel, but strange. It is rumoured tha t the band wanted The Reflex to be the lead single from Seven and the Ragged Tiger, but their label didn't like Simons singing during the "why-eye-eye-eye don't you use it" segments. What did they know? Eh? Labels.... Pffft... (and so forth).
We are getting glimpses of John at this point, but not the full effect. A shame because the full effect of John here is quite stunning. We also get glimpses of the backing singers and the percussionist (Raphael De Jesus) but very, very little Roger. Poor Rog. Rog sad....
We do get the classic John – Simon – Andy line up across the front of the stage, and some pretty crazy split screen editing thrown in to boot. Nice, it’s like proto-stereographic mullet-watch. I bet Kate Humble is developing a Mullet-Watch Live programme for BBC as I write this (Joke for the UK based only, I’m afraid).
Great weird-ass dancing from John there during the funny synth-drum solo thingy. As an aside, producer Ian Little spoke about the sound Nick Rhodes came up with on his Roland Jupiter-8 keyboard:
"...whenever I hear that steel-drum part it always brings a smile to my face because it's so out of tune. Steel drums always are, but it was exactly right in terms of rhythm and tone. So a wood-block sound was mixed in to make it even more percussive and, successfully, it did the job."
Thanks Ian. That’s great.
In the run up to the chorus, we get Simon dancing and jumping. You know that star jump that they freeze frame there didn’t really end well, don’t you? Watch Sing Blue Silver for the raw footage, it’s funny. Though admittedly, probably not for Simon. Or the stage. Or the peoples of the Pacific rim whose lives were destroyed by the ensuing tsunami.
So Chorus – Dancing fans, Dancing John wearing nylon curtains straight from the pages of the 1983 Littlewoods Catalogue and, incredibly, a garter, pouting Nick, drumming Roger, mulleted Andy and frowny intense Simon. This video just lacks something, it is funny, but there isn’t a plot. There’s no hook to get you involved. There’s only the passing flash frame of a back-lit poster-painted nipple to keep you engaged.
So, we hit a section of shots of Nick, John and Roger having a pout-off. John wins from Nick in second place and Roger a distant third. Kudos to Nick for the shoulder action, though. Simon is being lit by blue lights, so he does a little twirl! Right there, on the spot. And he claps. Isn’t he sweet. By the way, does anyone have the faintest notion as to what the hell this song is on about? It makes Nik Kershaw seem coherent (almost).
OK, we hit the next chorus and get to the stammering Geordie bit (‘why-eye-eye, wh, wh, why-eye-eye’). It’s a bit underwhelming, there’s painted, well-lit bondage models, chains, sadomasochism and a dancing Simon, but no real reason for it. The crowd seem very happy though.
Hang on, the screen’s going fuzzy and a painted man covered his eyes. The fans do the same, why? Well, remember that tsunami caused by Simon's ill advised jump earlier on, well it’s become a massive computer generated tidal wave which is about to engulf them and kill them all! That’s made them stop their dancing.
The effect when it hits the crowd is similar to having a small cup of water drizzled on them from a medium height. A bit underwhelming, really, much like the rest of the video. And that’s it, it’s never mentioned again, never referenced, in no way does it appear again in any form. SO WHY WAS IT THERE, RUSSELL?
It just fades out after that. God knows why.
One last quick question. What is Simon doing in ths shot?
I’m sorry, just let me off this one (keep saying that), I’ll do Wild Boys next. That’s funny and weird. It’s even got Rusty Lee in it.
Well, I've been all over the shop so I haven't really had as much time as I'd like to write snarky reviews of music videos most people would have rather forgotten about in the first place.
I'll make it up to you.
One of my problems has been that the next video in the sequence of Duran Duran videos is The Relfex, which just isn't funny at all. I was hit with a large case of writer's block. That is until I watched Arena, an Absurd Notion. Duran Duran's concept video. Now we have some source material.
So, on I go, I'll be writing it up over the next few days and posting it here, complete with pictures. It'll probably be in two parts, firstly concerning the concert footage and secondly The Wild Boys. That will conclude my meanderings into Duran Duran music videos and I shall probably move on to other artists. Nik Kershaw looks like a likely target.
Have fun (just not as much fun as the chap in this picture).
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